tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2721624336193054087.post136108794512267510..comments2011-02-03T12:59:57.917-06:00Comments on Catching the Shadow: Take Your Lap Dance and Shove It...Adam J. Barretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10860758789411204245noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2721624336193054087.post-69083413910793574792011-02-03T12:59:57.917-06:002011-02-03T12:59:57.917-06:00in the capacity of having worked as a sex worker, ...in the capacity of having worked as a sex worker, having dated sex workers, and having many friends who are or have been sex workers, let me be clear: it's a job. it is not unlike most other jobs. some days it's fine, somedays it sucks. believe me, on the day before a female-bodied sex worker gets their period, when they are bloated and crampy and emotional and cranky, being a sex worker is a sucky gig. and the day after, when they get their period and are bleeding like a stuck pig and they still have to get on stage, tampon string shoved into their vagina, hoping they don't humiliate themself? then it sucks more. when they're nursing a baby and sometimes breast milk leaks out of their nipples for no apparent reason, being a sex worker sucks. when they have to cover the stretch marks on their abdomen, which occurred as a result of their pregnancy, with expensive make up which they pay for out of pocket, being a sex worker sucks. being a sex worker also sucks when you're running late, when the roads are shitty, when you're tired and/or sick and don't want to go to work, when your kids cry because they don't want you to go to work and you have to go anyway, when you have to decline an invitation to go out with friends, when your work clothes are dirty, or for a million other reasons that can be applied pretty much across the board when it comes to jobs and why they sometimes suck.<br /><br />and sometimes it's fine. sometimes you go to work rested and prepared, you do your job, you get paid, and you come home, and they are no complications. just like any other job.<br /><br />there's no mystique or glamor to it, though. sex workers are not generally on power trips. true, they may be aware of areas in which they are highly skilled, and they may have confidence in skills they have spent a lot of time and energy developing. the same could be said for surgeons. <br /><br />sex workers are not, as a rule, cocky about their skills, however. in terms of dancers specifically: i have never agreed to dance for or on a person i am actually involved with, even though i have done it for pay. none of the dancers i have dated has ever agreed to or been at all interested in dancing for or on me. i have *bought* private dances from friends, at their place of employment, who are not my sexual partners, but i have never received a free dance, lap or otherwise, from a friend of mine who is employed as a dancer. additionally, out in the club on saturday night, dancer friends are the least likely in my crowd to get out on the floor and shake booty. they are the most likely to sit back with a drink and enjoy the fact that they don't have to. <br /><br />in short, i'm sorry to burst your bubble, but if a woman is getting anything out of dancing for you other than a pay check, and that's a big if, it is similar to what a cashier at the grocery gets out of ringing up a customer who makes pleasant conversation and has enough money to pay for all their wares. if you don't feel you get a bang for your buck when you spend that buck in a strip club, by all means, abstain. but don't criminalize people for doing their job and earning a living. target has sketchy politics that upset some consumers, but it would be unfair and nonsensical to blame the folks at the cash registers, or to claim that they are using "mind control" methods to get you to do something you don't want to do. they're just trying to put food on the table.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06592708997528629009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2721624336193054087.post-39817556743482199182011-02-03T12:58:54.702-06:002011-02-03T12:58:54.702-06:00i entertain your entry, but it's flawed. and i...i entertain your entry, but it's flawed. and insulting, but moreover, flawed. <br /><br />i am a woman. i am attracted to and sleep with both women and men. the ratio, historically, has been about 2:1, respectively. i began sleeping with women at the age of 14, men at 20. i have only had serious relationships with women. what this background establishes, loathe though i am to feel it has to be established at all, that i am "really" attracted to women. thus, when i am a consumer at a strip club, i am there, generally speaking, in the same capacity as a man who is attracted to women. i am buying the same product for the same purpose. <br /><br />i don't frequent strip clubs anymore, and haven't really since becoming a parent, which only has to do with the fact that i cannot justify spending money on dances when i have a kid i need to feed and clothe and shelter. prior to becoming a parent, including during my pregnancy, i often went to strip clubs in downtown minneapolis.<br /><br />when you assert that the existence of strip clubs is insulting to men because the implication is that men cannot get women without paying cash money, i am led to wonder if men are far stupider than i had previously considered. i have never equated paying either at the rail or for a private dance with "getting" a girl. i am paying for a service. the service is being preformed by a professional. i certainly do not equate hiring a plumber or having my hair cut in a salon with "getting" a romantic relationship. confusing the services provided by sex workers with authentic sex based on mutual attraction and/or love is confusing apples with oranges. <br /><br />also, i would not expect a stylist working in a salon to pay me for the privilege of touching and working with my hair. if they told me that they enjoyed working as a stylist, i would still not expect payment for getting my hair did. would you? should every professional who enjoys their occupation expect to pay their clients?Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06592708997528629009noreply@blogger.com